So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
