I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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