apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
