He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
