4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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