Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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