SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
