I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
