Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
