HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
