If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so let's talk penis.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
