I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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