Duck Duck Cougar?
i just had sex bonerless
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
