Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
