you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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