I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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