He passed out mid-signature
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
