My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
