Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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