You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
