No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
