I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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