Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
