In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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