Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
