Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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