I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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