Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think a kid would responsible me up
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
pray to the hookup gods
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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