even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
