I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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