Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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