Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
