I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
