forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
