somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
