dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
