his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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