She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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