We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
