The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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