did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
