the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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