why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
