I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
