Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
