In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
