Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
