I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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