please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
