can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
