party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
