I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
