just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
