he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
