True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Im part way to drunk.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
