i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
