Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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