OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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