When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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