then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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