How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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