the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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