I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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