I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
