He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
