So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
