I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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