Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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