pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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