Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
