Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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