Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
