My sheets look like a crime scene.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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