do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
