During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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