I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
